Like I alluded to, I feel like my body's health had been slowly decaying over the years, the foundation was rotting, and it was being primed for a cataclysmic event. It unleashed the underlying condition I'd had since I was a child, and if mono hadn't been the trigger, eventually some other trigger event would have taken place. In hindsight, I now realize/theorize that mononucleosis was a trigger. I can't really even describe what was going on to doctors, my pain, fatigue, symptoms are all so overwhelming, and hard to pin down, they are constantly shifting like light in a prism.Ģ006- After many many many months of searching and testing in vain, the doctors (saw too many to count) eventually come to the conclusion that I had suffered mono and was now labeled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Post Viral Fatigue. The pain in the back of my head and lymph nodes behind my ears is terrible and constant.
Symptoms I'd previously described from my youth all blow up in severity (which is what leads me to believe I first contracted my underlying disease in childhood, basically the disease just lurked in the background for years). Except this is no normal flu, my body seems to endlessly spiral into a hole of fatigue and pain, and I can't recover. I fall ill with what seems to be the flu. Late 2005- At 23 years old, the other shoe finally drops. Or maybe I was depressed or had underlying anxiety issues? except, I tended to have a very happy go lucky disposition, but my health was beginning to darken the clouds, for sure. I hoped and wished stress were the be all end all, it seemed to affect a lot of people and I secretly hoped it was my main issue. Sometimes I'd try to chalk up my issues to the stress of life, stress of college, etc. And obviously, with a thing like coffee, you are always needing to up the ante, increase dosage to chase those elusive energy levels. I started self medicating by drinking a lot of coffee, this would temporarily mask my issues but would aggravate certain things like my anxiety and ability to sleep. This wasn't normal for an 18-19 year old. I was losing my ability to pursue projects, maintain concentration, execute critical thinking like I once had been able to. I was blessed with a lot of opportunities, and I wasn't going to let them go to waste, regardless of what underlying thing was going on with my body.īut once I got to college, I felt like I'd lost all my natural energy. I loved working hard and seeing what my body and mind were capable of, how much I could improve at things if I set my mind to it. I'd always pushed myself intellectually and physically, I prided myself on that. The symptoms seemed to be creeping on me, gradually becoming stronger, more noticeable to me. I had no idea what form or shape it would take, but a sense of dread and fear began to permeate my youth. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wasn't clairvoyant, but as the years dragged on I had an inkling that something was really wrong. And even if the symptoms did worry me I was able to function at high levels, play a lot of sports, do high level academics, etc. Heck, I couldn't even describe most of those symptoms at the time, they were so vague and ebbed and flowed into each other. At the time I chalked it up to my body's genetics and my particular personality and attempted to dismiss some of these things as "normal." Many of these symptoms I could mask, so no one around me had any idea that I was having any issues. These symptoms would all wax and wane in similar sequences together. I also had quite a bit of insomnia, anxiety, lymph node discomfort, general body discomfort, vision headaches, very rarely sharp explosive pain in back of head, blurred vision issues, periods of manic energy and then total lethargy, concentration issues. I was often times feeling uncomfortable or on edge inside my body. Pre-2005 Since I was a child, I'd had a variety of low level symptoms and weird things, but I could never quite put my finger on what was up. Maybe it gives me the illusion that I'm figuring things out.Ī bit of my health history, and how I contextualize my health situation: Maybe it helps me psychologically feel less scared, less alone.
#Bartonella sketchy micro plus#
Plus I've been in such scary place with pain, that it is helpful writing about it and sharing. Part of it is, I think it will be cathartic for me. Talking about my health journey, my pain, my. Some of these posts are going to be incredibly self-indulgent.